Toudouliste
by Mipichi
Summary: He looked at his to-do-list and smiled as he realized that the final step was just to confess his love to her. What Kaoru hadn't expected was that he was already friendzoned. (Please read the A/N's and no flames)
1. Friendzoned

**A/N: I've just broken my number one rule. Never write another story when you're not done with the other one. I really need a breather from As If It Could Get Any Weirder, because it's been a year that I've been using 'she', 'her' and 'sister' for Hikaru.  
**

 **Now it's actually weird for me to call him a guy, especially in this fic.**

 **Warning : I hope you won't get offended by all the stereotypes about gender and sexuality. It's a dumb fanfiction, just like AIICGAW (much shorter this way), it's really just because Kaoru's seen as the girlier twin for some reason, and more and more people know that Kaoru's canonically homosexual (or not, in the French version it says it's his role so I don't know).**

 **Plus, isn't Ouran a cliché shoujo anime ? So there has to be some fics filled with stereotypes. And OOC-ness, Hikaru is pretty mean in this chapter.**

* * *

 **Friendzoned**

Kaoru glanced at his to-do-list once again, checking whether he fulfilled all the steps on it.

\- Know the girl's name. - _checked_

\- Become a friendly acquaintance to her. - _checked_

\- Build a friendship with her. - _checked_

\- Spend a lot of time with her. - _checked_ , but I'd never cut my bonding time with Hikaru out, I mean, that's out of the question. Therefore, partly _checked_.

\- Get to know more of her. - _checked_

\- Be the bestest of her best friends. - _checked_

After having made sure he got through all these steps, Kaoru looked up and smiled proudly at himself.

'Today's the day.' He mentally exclaimed, brandishing his fist before his head.

The only thing he had to do now was to write her a letter, thus they would meet at the end of the school.

Hence why today, Kaoru had dragged his twin along with him an hour before the first school period would start.

It had been only ten minutes that Kaoru was blocked on how to start the note he'd send to his crush. Kaoru was on his usual seat in the classroom they'd get their first lesson of the day.

Hikaru had pulled a chair closer to his brother's table, just so he could be next to him. His elbow against the table, to rest his chin on his hand, the older twin looked at the still empty piece of paper that Kaoru was struggling with.

It was becoming very boring to solely wait for the younger twin to write something down on the paper, therefore, he started drumming on the table with his fingers.

"So… Kaoru?" Hikaru eventually asked, sighing as he looked at his brother. The latter was frowning at his sudden lack of imagination.

"I don't know Hikaru ! I need to be romantic ! B-but… Every word which goes through my head makes me feel dumb and I just can't seem to write anything down !" Kaoru exclaimed, feeling a little frustrated and anxious.

Hikaru rolled his eyes and shrugged.

"Just… Write something. I might die out of extreme boredom if you don't." He sighed again, exasperated. He wasn't really the one with a solid patience.

Suddenly, an idea popped in the younger Hitachiin's head and he quickly lifted his head up with a bright smile.

"Hikaru ! Do you think I should doodle some things on the paper ? Maybe hearts, flowers… What do you think ?" He asked his brother, who narrowed his eyes in misunderstanding.

"Why would you do that ?" Not only was he not a love expert but, Kaoru's idea also sounded way too cheesy to endear someone, let alone a girl. The younger brother seemed to have been taken aback at his twin's question. Kaoru frowned, disappointed.

"Sorry Kaoru, but I think that's too girly of a thing to do, for a guy when he's writing a love letter." Hikaru stated before adding, "Look, just tell her when and where you'd like to meet her at the end of the day."

Kaoru's pout turned into a smile once again. Then, he started writing a few, simple, sentences.

"Please, meet me at 5 P.M. in front of the Academy's fence. I have something to tell you." He read what he'd just written out loud and smiled even more, showing off his teeth.

"That's perfect, or so I think." Hikaru told his twin with a small smile. In fact, he wasn't certain whether what he advised his brother to write was the right thing to scribble down on a love note.

But, Kaoru looked very content and even he could somehow see a kind of invisible weight lifting off his twin's shoulders.

The Hitachiin brothers headed to the location wherein stood the first year A students' lockers. Kaoru didn't have to look for his crush's locker forever.

He knew exactly where it was.

"There it is, I can put the letter in here." Kaoru mumbled to himself, feeling his heartbeat racing up a bit.

Eventually, he made the letter fly in the locker's slot. Kaoru took a few steps back and wheezed out, his breath slightly shaky from anticipation.

"It's done." He said, earning a pat on the shoulder from Hikaru.

* * *

Today was a long day for the Forbidden Act's uke. He couldn't pay attention to any lesson since something else was on his mind.

Finally, the Host Club closed and Kaoru quickly grabbed his schoolbag before running to the Academy's main door.

The closer he got to the location, the clearer the girl's silhouette that stood in front of the door became.

Here she was, with her light brown hair that was adorned with a huge pink ribbon on the back. Kaoru arrived in front of her, bent over a little with his hands on his knees, panting.

"...Renge..." He breathed out, happy that she had received his letter and done what he had asked her.

"Oh. Kaoru, you're the one who wanted to tell me something ?" Renge's eyes were as wide as circles, but she was more content than surprised. She giggled, wondering what her best friend could have meant by 'something important to say'.

The latter blushed a little and sat up straight as he started rubbing the nape of his neck.

"Renge… I-I love you." Kaoru blurted out, without even thinking. He had been longing that moment to come for awhile, he couldn't hold himself back anymore.

Nonetheless, he started trembling as he noticed Renge didn't show any signs of feeling moved by his confession.

"That's what you wanted to tell me ?" She asked, tilting her head. She was completely dumbfounded.

Before Kaoru could even step closer to his crush, Renge started giggling loudly.

"You're so silly Kaoru ! I love you too, you're my best friend !" Kaoru felt arms wrapping around his frame.

But that wasn't the only thing he felt. He could have sworn a pan had fallen on his head, crushing him.

"No girl could ever ask for a better gay best friend !" She added, rubbing her cheek against his blazer.

There, he felt it again.

Another pan fell on his head.

'What…?' He asked himself, almost feeling his eyes welling up, but he didn't know the reason why he'd be crying.

'What just happened…?' He stood there, frozen as Renge kept her arms tightly wrapped around his waist.

* * *

That evening, Kaoru came back home without saying a word to his brother and carrying that same poker face.

Hikaru sighed, struggling with his English homework, while Kaoru was laying on their bed, lifelessly.

He kept glancing at the ceiling, without blinking.

"...Hikaru..." Kaoru spoke up, waking his twin out of his train of thoughts. The said boy turned his head to face his brother.

"What's the matter Kaoru ? You barely spoke on our way home. Did something happen with that otaku ?" He asked, feeling concerned for his twin.

"… Renge...rejected me. Because I'm her gay best friend." Kaoru replied, sounding emotionless.

The atmosphere felt ponderous suddenly, as a long silence settled down in the conversation. Hikaru rubbed his chin for a little while, trying to come up with something to say.

"Well… Kaoru… just… I don't know, act like a man for a change." Kaoru's eyes widened as his twin's words shot him right through his heart.

"What are you implying ?" The younger twin sat up on the bed, his brows creasing into a frown.

"Well, you act like a girl." Hikaru stated, blinking.

"You've just hurt my pride, Hikaru. You've hurt it very bad." Kaoru clearly wasn't expecting those words to come from his twin's mouth.

"And I understand. I wouldn't like to hear it from my brother's mouth either." The older brother nodded, failing at looking understanding.

This made Kaoru angry.

He was actually _mad_ this time.

"Why would you say that !? Your statement about me being girly and feminine is completely unfounded !" Kaoru asked, louder this time.

Hikaru didn't agree on that point, he sighed and it was a sad sigh, because he didn't like it at all when Kaoru was angry. And this time, his brother was mad at him, for that matter.

"Our guests would say otherwise though." The older twin frowned as he saw his twin gritting his teeth in anger.

"The customers only see us at the Host Club, that means they see me as the uke in our 'relationship', hence why they'd think that. But it's an act, Hikaru !" Kaoru whined, trying to contain his anger inside.

"I know it is, but it's not just about the Host Club. The female students tend to get crushes on me more than you because I'm manlier." Hikaru said, scrunching his nose up.

This made Kaoru laugh bitterly.

"Where did you get that idea from ?" He snorted, knowing his twin was just boasting. Unfortunately for him, he felt tears falling down on his cheeks.

Then, he covered his face in his hands and Hikaru hurried over to him.

"I-I'm sorry Kaoru… I was just teasing you." He confessed as he pulled his twin in a tight hug. What he didn't expect was what his brother said between sniffles.

"N-No. Hikaru, you're right. I'll never be able to think of being in a relationship with Renge if I don't start acting more like a man." At that sentence, Hikaru frowned, wondering if he had gone too far with his jokes.

"No, Kaoru, you're amazing. Plus-" He got cut off by the said boy who snickered darkly. The younger redhead squirmed his way out of Hikaru's arms and posed dramatically.

Kaoru ran his hand in his hair and flashed his twin a smile that resembled the Shadow King's smirk.

"I'll become the manliest man ever alive." He declared, in the deepest pitch he could muster. Sparkles were all around him.

And Hikaru swore he felt his own heart skip a beat.

* * *

 **A/N: Don't throw all your pans at me please. Kaoru's seen as girlier than Hikaru in many fics, so I just wondered... What could his reaction be about that ?**

 **I know lots wouldn't mind being called girly, nor boyish. But, gender seems to matter a lot in this anime and manga.**

 **To my mind, the Host Club really seemed to mind that Haruhi's a girl and not a boy. So, I don't think Kaoru would really take it well to be called 'feminine'. Even though he's playing the uke at the Host Club. (and I'd like to add that not every uke is feminine). So, this fic is just going to be about him wanting to gain the love of the girl of his dreams by trying to become what is, to his mind, 'manlier'.**

 **Really, it's a fic meant for fun, even the name of the story is a pun. So, I really ask you not to flame this story.**

 **Thanks for reading :)**


	2. The 'Thing'

**A/N: I'm happy people seem to like the story, as I said, it's a story meant for fun so you shall expect everything random and cliché. Also, I'm sorry I feel like my twins are OOC... And forgive Hikaru's stereotypical opinion on manliness XD**

 **I don't think I made it clear, but I don't own Ouran.~**

 **Warning : This chapter might seem misleading, as in turning into a twincest fic, but it isn't. Hikaru and Kaoru are not going to be together. It is a KaoRen fic, albeit a much sillier one (and my first one was already random) so, no worries for non twincest fans :3**

* * *

 **The 'Thing'**

Tearing an empty page off from one of his notebooks, the self proclaimed 'soon to be the manliest man ever alive" looked for a pen. As he did find one, he shivered a little in excitement.

"Now, onto another to-do-list. I need to write down all the steps I have to pass to become the manliest man that's ever lived on this planet." Kaoru mumbled to himself, his lips squeezed into a pout as he tried to look determined. He put the piece of paper he'd use to write his new list out next to the pen on his desk, as he dragged a chair to sit down, before the table.

Hikaru was still watching Kaoru with wide eyes. He didn't know Kaoru's voice could be this deep. Not only that, but, he also wondered where Kaoru could have learned to muster the same smirk as the Shadow King's. He was not woken out of his shock yet. The older twin took a few steps back to eventually fall on the twins' bed, clumsily. He hissed a little as his back hit the mattress.

Then he heard Kaoru speak and snapped out of his haze as he heard the word Kaoru had been using for awhile now.

'To-do-list' seemed to be the only word his twin had known of for several months now. Indeed, Kaoru had wanted his confession to Renge to be perfect, even if it meant to pass off as weird.

"… Kaoru, don't you think you have a list fetish… ?" Hikaru asked his brother, frowning a little as his hand scratched at his head.

The older twin's voice made its way to the younger one's ears, but the latter didn't dare reply right away. After having turned his chair around, so his back would be facing his desk, while his eyes were supposed to be facing Hikaru; Kaoru looked focused, watching the ground.

His eyes were piercing through the floor.

Then, as though his actions were totally normal and harmless, he let out a giggle. The darkest giggle he had ever unleashed. Hikaru's eyes widened again, as he sat on the bed instead of lying down.

The supposedly 'manly' and obviously strained deep voice Kaoru was trying to pull off was getting on Hikaru's nerves. Because, it made him feel weird.

 _And everyone knows how irritating and frustrating it is when Hikaru is feeling weird._

"Stop doing that ! Being manly isn't about having a deep voice, if that's what you're trying to do !" The latter exclaimed, feeling disturbed by his brother's willing voice change.

Kaoru blinked, wearing a bored look as he gazed at his overly agitated brother. Then, he grabbed his 'tools' and faced Hikaru once again.

"Well, please tell me what you think it is, to be manly." That was when the older twin noticed his sibling was holding a piece of paper in one hand, and a pen in the other hand.

He was probably trying to create his new to-do-list.

'...Kaoru is really considering this…' The older brother realized, a slight pain stinging his heart. He felt guilty for taking his teasing too far.

To Hikaru's mind, his baby brother didn't need any changes of any sort. Besides, wasn't someone supposed to love him for who he was and not for his looks ?

'If Renge doesn't like him, then be it.' He thought, his eyebrows furrowed in a crease. He huffed in discontentment.

Hikaru sighed in defeat. If that was what his brother wanted to do, then he'd do everything to encourage him, keep him motivated and determinate. _Even if that meant feeling weird_.

"So… To be manly..." Hikaru started thinking, out loud while rubbing his chin. He held a pretty serious facial expression.

Kaoru nodded as he stood up to join his sibling on their bed, waiting for Hikaru to say something for him to write down on his list. The older twin kept humming, as he tried to gather everything he knew on that kind of 'subject'.

"There are different kinds of manly, like sportive men or gentlemen..." The older twin added, as Kaoru started scribbling down every words from his brother on the piece of paper.

The younger twin gave his mirror image a serious nod, brows knitted. Therefore, Hikaru went on with his rant about manliness.

"So, exercising, it is mandatory. Maybe even a new sport… Also," He cut himself off as he looked for the words he wanted to say. "Be confident ! As in, you shall know that every girl is just swooning over you thanks to your manliness !" Hikaru sat up straight, looking strangely excited. Proof here, he was starting to nod at his own words.

Kaoru grinned almost creepily as he wrote down those last words. Then, he looked up at his brother.

"I think I'm done with the list!" He held the piece of paper up proudly in his hand. Hikaru grabbed his twin's to-do-list and started reading it.

He chuckled as he looked at it.

"Well, I guess you got the message." Hikaru giggled, giving Kaoru's list back to him. Both twins started chuckling together for a few moments.

But, suddenly, Kaoru had an idea running through his head.

"Hikaru, maybe I should try to join a sports club which is in the Academy." He told his twin, who immediately stopped laughing. The said boy looked at his brother in the eyes, looking concerned.

"But, Kaoru… Don't you think it'd be a lot of time to spend at school ? It might become tiring..." The older Hitachiin stated, frowning.

They attended every school lessons and had two hours of club time on the side. Joining a new club wasn't impossible, but that meant adding one or even two extra hours to Kaoru's timetable. But, Hikaru didn't say anything else, not wanting for Kaoru to misunderstand concern with disagreement.

Both of them lied down on their bed and started staring at each other. Eventually, Kaoru spoke up, smiling sweetly.

"Well, how about joining one together, then ?" Hikaru just couldn't believe that his brother was that serious about that new way of life he wanted to adopt and get used to. He was really considering it, but sadly, Hikaru, himself, wasn't very thrilled by the idea of practicing a sport, or even exercising.

He shook his idea and looked away from his twin with a small guilty smile.

"I'm not that interested in it." He confessed, almost bashfully. "But, count on me for encouraging you. You're going to suffer, and watching you this way is going to be so appealing for me." He added, chuckling darkly.

Kaoru started laughing a little again and elbowed his twin.

"I thought you were the manlier twin." He warbled jokingly, grinning like the Cheschire cat.

"And I am, indeed." Hikaru replied, by running a hand in his hair, as Kaoru had done a little while before exclaiming he'd become the manliest man alive.

Whereas the latter actually managed to affect his twin a little, Hikaru's action only got his younger brother to snicker.

"If you say so." Kaoru said nothing else in return, apart from, "let's call it a night."

Hikaru nodded as wrapped his frame under the blankets as Kaoru did the same. As soon as his head hit his pillow, the younger Hitachiin fell asleep. Hikaru chuckled at how deep of a sleeper his twin was.

Then, he sighed. While Kaoru needed his nine hours of sleep (whether it was from napping of from nights full of sleep), and actually managed to get those every night, Hikaru was restless at nighttimes. That meant having to wait for something to make him drift to sleep, _alone_. Since Kaoru would fall asleep the second his head would reach his own personal pillow.

And, unfortunately for him, this night was going to be even rougher on him, since guilt was leaving a nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach.

'I should really start thinking a little more before pulling pranks on people.' He told himself, nibbling his fingernail as his slightly bloodshot eyes were staring at his brother's soundly sleeping face.

He closed his eyes slowly and tried to pander to slumber. Sadly, his eyes were shot open the moment he heard his brother starting to snore.

'Kaoru ...' He mentally screamed at his twin as he gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut again.

"...Renge..." Kaoru's whisper of his crush's name was barely audible but it didn't escape Hikaru's fairly awake ears.

Meanwhile, Kaoru was having the time of his life, even though it would be more logical to call it 'dream of his life'.

 _He didn't have any idea why he was wearing the Ouran Academy's basketball team's uniform, but he didn't seem to care about that anyway. What really mattered to him was that Renge was staring at him with wide eyes and her nose slightly bleeding._

 _"Oh, Kaoru ! What happened to you !?" Renge asked, sparkles in her eyes as she stared at him with flushed cheeks. She wiped off the blood coming out of her nose with a tissue in vain. Her nose kept bleeding._

 _The said boy shook a little as he grinned inanely. Kaoru gasped as his best friend and crush jumped into his arms to pull him into a tight hug._

 _It was an awkward looking hug as Renge was still holding her tissue against her nose to try and keep it from bleeding on Kaoru's and her clothes._

 _But the boy was so happy, he was certain it wasn't just a hug she was giving him as a best friend. In the end, all the work he had done was worth it. Renge was finally in love with him._

 _"K-Kaoru !" She wheezed out, trying not to squeal as she looked at him, her face turning even redder. "You're_ the _man !" She added, taking the tissue off her nose as she noticed it wasn't bloody anymore._

 _The younger Hitachiin's smile became wider, showing his teeth. Renge yelped as she felt Kaoru's strong grip on her shoulders. She looked at him and noticed his grin was bright. The otaku smiled in return, but not for too long as Kaoru started spinning her around._

 _"Renge, I love you ! I love you so much !" He exclaimed confidently. Renge blushed again as she heard the ginger confess to her. But then she started laughing along with him._

 _"Oh, Kaoru ! I love you too !" Renge replied, making Kaoru stop his spinning abruptly. The latter reached for Renge's left cheek and caressed it as he smiled at her sweetly._

* * *

"Oh… Renge… Yes… I'm _the_ man… I love you…" Hikaru woke up with his ears being hassled by Kaoru's rambling words of pure happiness.

The younger twin was shifting in their bed, making Hikaru fall off.

"Ouch." He yelped as his back hit the cold and hard floor. He sat up, rubbing the nape of his neck as he winced in pain. "Kaoru..." He growled, walking around the bed to reach for his brother.

Then, he softly flicked Kaoru's forehead with his fingers, making him release a tiny snore before waking up.

"Hikaru… Why ?" He asked, pouting. He didn't get his nine hours of sleep. He only got _eight_ , therefore his older brother shouldn't have woken him up, let alone in such a _mean_ way.

"You made me fall off the bed." Hikaru declared, scrunching his nose up. Kaoru lifted one of his eyebrows as he heard his brother's reason.

"But, Hikaru I'm usually the one who falls off the bed !" He replied, standing up. He sighed as he added,"Well, let's just get prepared for school..."

Kaoru tried to look for his uniform and found the blazer, shirt and pants. He put the clothes and forgot to button the shirt up as he searched his tie.

"Where is it ?" He grumbled to himself as he started rummaging through his wardrobe.

"Are you looking for this ?" Hikaru asked, holding his tie, completely dressed. Kaoru grabbed it and sighed in relief, as he ran a hand from his hair.

"Thank you, Hikaru, I was a little bothered since I couldn't find it !" He thanked his brother, smiling while scratching his hair with his hand.

There, _Hikaru felt weird again_.

"Stop doing that." He demanded, turning his face away from his twin, who blinked in confusion. Kaoru's hand left his hair to rub the back of his neck.

"Stop doing what ?" Kaoru asked as he got a hold of his tie to add it to his shirt. Hikaru folded his arms against his chest as he answered.

"That thing you're doing with your hand in your hair. It's weird." This made Kaoru's face lit up. He smirked as he ran a hand through his hair again.

"You mean that ?" He asked, and noticed his twin's cheeks were slightly flushed. Kaoru giggled as he added, "I think it looks cool..."

"It doesn't, so stop it." Hikaru stated, as sternly as he could.

"But it seems to be affecting you, Hikaru.~" Kaoru cooed teasingly as he winked at him. "It should actually become something, don't you think ? Maybe Renge would like it too ?" He added, smiling as Hikaru's cheeks came back to their original pale color. The latter huffed as he shrugged.

"If you say so..." He earned a grin from Kaoru, who ran his hand through his hair again. Hikaru shivered as he felt a jolt go through his core.

"I'm going to call it 'the thing'.~ I hope Renge is going to like it as much as you." Kaoru laughed as he heard his brother groan in embarrassment at him.

* * *

 **A/N : Well well well, I hope you liked it. There's no twincest or actual yaoi in this. The 'thing' is only going to be a gesture that only Kaoru can pull off and that affects everybody, except Haruhi. XD**

 **Thank you for reading and reviewing etc, I hope you'll stick with me even though this story is filled with clichés. XD**

 **I love you all.~~ :3**


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